Armor

This template is really really pink. Not sure how I feel about that, but I am too lazy to try to find another one.

Last Spring, when DH started a new job, he decided to totally change his work wardrobe. He's a computer programmer, so throughout his 20 year career, he's been able to wear ratty jeans and polo shirts. Anyway, he spent a wad of cash on buying dress shirts and slacks. And, continues to spend money every week on dry cleaning. Very odd for a man who has worn machine washable clothes for his entire life. But, it's had a positive impact. He's more confident, and he actually loves his job. He has friends there, and management respects him. He credits the clothing. He says that the clothes makes everyone treat him better.

Anyway, I decided to follow suit. Since I left L.A. for the frozen North, my wardrobe became, well, predictable. When I first started teaching up here, different department chairs commented on how students were preoccupied with my wardrobe, so I dealt with it by wearing a black t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of boots every single day. It worked for me. I was comfortable, no one commented on my clothing, and I didn't have to think very hard in the morning about what I was going to wear. Since I'm a lot more visible at work now, I decided to step things up a la DH. I already own a lot of dresses and skirts, so it wasn't a big deal to wear them. The only problem is that growing up in Houston and in L.A., I got used to wearing lightweight summer dresses. Which is fine when I'm just traipsing around daily life. But, thinking about standing up in front of the class lecturing in these lightweight dresses made me realize that I would be uncomfortably exposed. The jeans and t-shirt feel like armor sometimes. I have gotten fairly used to the idea that anything I wear will look inappropriate on me since I have a 12 inch difference between my bust measurement and my waist measurement. But, at least with jeans and a t-shirt, I feel protected.

A friend of mine was raised by her grandma, and even though she is younger than I am, is old fashioned by my standards because she always wears a girdle and slip when she wears dresses. Really old fashioned because with some of my sundresses, I'm only wearing a pair of bikini underwear. But, I thought she had a good solution to my problem and I invested in 3 pairs of high waisted Spanx. I got the kind that go all the way up to my underbust and end midthigh. I figured that I would be completely covered that way. If the wind blew my skirt up, no one could see anything but biker shorts, and all my jiggle would be held in. The first week of class, all went well. I got comments from colleagues about how nice I looked. One actually snarked a little bit about me being too dressed up. But, the Spanx were surprisingly comfortable. And, they really took my mind off wearing flimsy dresses.

This Thursday, everything went awry. I decided to wear something extremely unusual for me. Pastel. Flowered. Straight. Generally, if I wear a dress, it's going to be A-line, dark, and solid. So, already I felt out of sorts. Then, during intro, I was standing at the board when the top of my Spanx started slowly rolling down my torso. I could actually feel it descending little by little with every movement I made. I was distracted from the lecture because I wondered if other students could see it. It finally ended rolled uncomfortably around my waist. I felt like I was being strangled by an anaconda. And, I was terrified that suddenly, there was a giant roll around my waist. I finished my lecture, ran to my office, and fixed the damn thing, only to have it happen in my next class. I had a meeting later that afternoon and I was left with the awkward choice of wearing a girdle that would roll down my body, or wearing no underwear. Um...you can probably guess that I suffered through the entire meeting with a tube of elastic squeezing the heck out of my middle. Cause no way am I going commando. Ever. But, especially in a flowery pastel straight-line dress at school!

I have a feeling this whole experiment has been a wash. As soon as the temp drops, and as soon as I can fit back into them, I'm going back to wearing jeans every day. And, I need to go stock up on some new black t-shirts. I'm going to save the dresses as a summer treat. When I teach, I need to be able to focus on the material and the students, not on whether I am having a wardrobe malfunction.